In this guide, I will be highlight useful tips for both men and women regarding how to pee quietly.
Just like in my previous article on how to poop quietly, peeing quietly is just like an art and requires timed skills or else you make your short toilet visit sound like an overflowing water dam or water fall.
Before we get started, ensure that you have a quiet close toilet as this will significantly contribute to the amount of noise you make in there.
1. Put Toilet Paper In The Bowl
Toilet paper acts as a barrier preventing your pee from directly hitting the water inside the toilet bowl.
It is also a perfect way to protect yourself against splashbacks. Place some tissue carefully on the water surface before peeing. You can also line the edges with an extra layer of tissue.
The tissue may be pushed down the water as you pee, but the speed with which the urine hits the water will be greatly reduced, minimizing the noise. Just be careful not to put in too much tissue as this can clog the toilet.
2. Aim To The Side
Just like tissue, aiming at the sides prevents your pee from directly hitting the water surface. Aiming right may take some practice, but it is an important trick to learn if you are pee-shy.
You have to change your sitting position to get the right angle. Move closer to the edge of the toilet, so most of the pee is directed to the front side of the toilet bowl.
You can combine this method with the tissue one for the best results. With these two methods, the pee noise will considerably go down, and there will be no splashes to deal with later.
3. Control The Speed
Unless you are really pressed, it is possible to control your peeing speed. Your pee sound will go down considerably, and your pelvic muscles will thank you for it. Instead of releasing all the pee at once, let a little out at a time until you are done.
Of course, it will take longer to pee, but, likely, anyone outside the door will not tell what you are up to.
Please note that controlling your speed doesn’t mean that you hold and release the pee. This is not advisable as it may increase the risk of contracting a UTI.
Maintain a continuous flow but at a lesser speed.
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4. Flush The Toilet Before You Go
If you are in a cramped public bathroom, flushing the toilet just before you start peeing will help you mask the peeing noise.
Just do your timing right and ensure that you are done by the time the tank fills up with water for the next flash.
Even if someone is listening, it is hard to hear the pee sound over a noisy flush. Anyone who hears you flushing after entering the toilet will just assume you are just concerned about cleanliness.
Don’t forget to give the toilet another flush when leaving. It may seem like all the urine is gone, but it is only fair to leave the toilet clean for the next user.
5. Pee On The Grass
This trick is for those times you are stuck in a place with no restroom close by.
If you have to choose between peeing on plain ground or grass, you are better off with the latter. Grass provides a soft surface so your pee will not produce as much noise when it hits it.
Pee will also easily seep through the grass, so there will be minimal if any splashes. For those times the need to go finds you away from civilization, you may want to keep a tub of sanitizer close by. This way, you can still maintain clean hands even though you have no access to running water.
6. Pee While Seated
This kind of goes without saying for women, but men are so used to peeing while standing that the suggestion might sound strange.
However, many swear by this method whenever they want to pee quietly. Peeing while standing works great in modern urinals that are built for optimal comfort.
However, in the traditional toilets found in most homes, peeing this way leads to too many accidental splashes, not to mention the noise.
If you want to pee quietly in a basic toilet, you are better off sitting on the toilet. Line the bowl with water so the water will not splashback as you pee.
7. Get A Pee Without Noise Stool
This is a worthy investment if you love peeing in silence. As the name suggests, this is a stool that you can kneel on so you are much closer to the toilet bowl.
This innovative stool makes it easy to aim while peeing, minimizing splashes and the occasional accidental spill on the toilet seat.
It may also come in handy when you need to throw up. The pee-without-noise stool comes with a comfy cushion so you can kneel on it for long without experiencing any discomfort.
This stool is available in two models, eco and two-piece. The echo method is made of wood and comes as a single unit. It comes in an ergonomic design that makes it comfortable to use.
The two-piece model comes with two polyurethane stools, one for each knee. This allows enough freedom to arrange the stools to the position that you want.
Check these stools online and read the descriptions to see which option is best for you. Also, go through user reviews to see what others have to say about this stool.
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8. Pee Away From People
This isn’t actually a technique on how to pee quietly, but instead something that won’t get you attention from all sides.
It may be hard when you are in a public place but if you have to choose the toilet next to the door or the corner one, go for the one furthest from the door.
If you are visiting a friend and there is more than one bathroom, choose the one furthest from the rest of the crowd.
If you are outside and thinking of peeing on that sidewalk close to the bar, think again. Doing this is illegal and can attract a misdemeanor charge.
If you move to the furthest corner where no one is less likely to hear you pee, you can get away with peeing in public.
Conceal yourself as much as possible and check for a grass patch where you can pee without making too much noise.
Just don’t make this a habit and only pee outside if there is no other way out.
Meet Mike O’Connor, (a DIY enthusiast), living in Cincinnati, a city ranked as the noisiest in the USA.
As a work from home dad, I have a first hand experience of how noise can truly affect your well being.
Soundproofing isn’t something that should be taken as a hobby, it should be a skill that every homeowner should be equipped with.
Most of the work documented on this blog comes from purely first hand experience, and the products recommended work as indicated.