Finding yourself in new territories can put you in an awkward situation, especially when you need to visit the toilet. (Check my guide on quiet flush toilets available on the market today)
Or probably your get visitors and nature comes calling.
You want the whole affair to happen discreetly as possible without attracting attention from the crowd around you. Luckily, there are simple hacks that will enable you to poop quietly without alerting anyone outside.
Below is my detailed guide on how to poop quietly.
1. Timing Is Everything
The need to visit the bathroom builds over time, making it easier to plan ahead of time. What is the best time to go to the bathroom?
Well, your timing will depend on where you are.
If you are in the office, an ideal time would be around lunchtime when most people have left the office.
If you are in a long meeting, you can leave when everyone is busy and less likely to notice your absence.
The last thing you want is for your colleagues to see you bolt to the door only to hear you doing your business some minutes later.
If you are at home, you can plan to go first in the morning when the rest of the house is asleep.
You can also choose a time when you have the house to yourself.
Even in a house full of people, you will easily find an appropriate time to slip to the bathroom and take your call of nature without anyone else noticing.
2. Close The Doors
In most commercial spaces, you will often pass through a series of doors before reaching the bathroom.
Lock these doors behind you as it will minimize any noise that may read to the public areas.If the bathroom has a fan, turn it on before closing the door.
The fan noise will cancel out some of the noise you may produce as you poop. Even in your boyfriend’s house, it does not hurt to close the bedroom door if you sneak to the bathroom when he is sleeping.
Also, close the bathroom door properly before getting down to business.
3. Put A Layer Of Toilet Paper In The Bowl
A layer of toilet paper in the bowl will not only muffle the sound of the poop hitting the water but also prevent the splash.
You should consider putting this trick into use in public restrooms even when you are not concerned about noise.
The more toilet paper you put in there, the better the results. Just ensure that you do not put in the entire roll; otherwise, you will clog the toilet.
4. Do A Courtesy Flash
So you can feel a big one coming, and you are sure that the sound will be heard across the room.
Just flush the toilet, and anyone listening will think that the bathroom is blocked. You have to be fast, though, and ensure that the poop is out by the time the noise from the courtesy flush goes down.
Since you also don’t want to waste water, do your timing well so that you are done by the time the first flush cycle is done.
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5. Make Noise
Well, if you do not want to make it so obvious that you are pooping, why not make some distractive noise. You can make a well-timed cough just before the poop hits the water. Some foot tapping on the floor may also work in this case.
Any other noise, including some music, will work as long as it provides a distraction. Just ensure that the sounds or noise you make is not too loud that people are pushed to pay more attention to what is going on in the bathroom.
6. Aim Right
Aiming right doesn’t only apply when peeing. If you do not want to create a huge splashing noise when pooping, you have to aim right.
Instead of pooping directly into the water, aim at the sidewall. The poop will produce a quieter splat when it hits the sidewall instead of the loud splash inside the water.
To accomplish this, adjust your sitting position. This may not be the most comfortable pooping position, but it will save you an embarrassing loud splash.
The only downside with this method is that you are more likely to leave a poop stain in the bowl. To prevent this from happening, lay enough tissue inside the bowl and concentrate more on the sidewall.
The tissue will also act as a muffler if you miss your aim and some of the poop get to the water. Just double-check after flushing and ensure that no marks are left inside the toilet bowl.
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7. Take Things Slow
Unless you are suffering from diarrhea, there is no reason to force things out. Take your time, and instead of pushing all the poop out at once, slowly drop it out.
If you can control your pooping speed, you will also have better success with aiming. Let your poop drop slowly, and you save yourself a cold and noisy splash.
To better control your speed, do not wait until you are really pressed to go. Having a bathroom schedule makes it easier to control how things go in the toilet.
8. Fart First
If you feel some wind in your stomach when the urge to poop comes, Fart first before getting into the bathroom.
A loud fart followed by a big splash can be embarrassing. Find a quiet corner and let all that gas out first before you start pooping. It is easier to control a fart and do it quietly before you start pooping.
9. Avoid Diary Rich Foods
Yes, you don’t have lactose intolerance or allergy, but dairy significantly impacts bowel movements. Too much dairy might cause you to spend more time than expected in the toilet and, in the worst cases, make you have explosive diarrhoea
Reducing the amount of dairy you consume might reduce the volume of your bowel movements.
10. Choose Your Bathroom Wisely
If you have a few stalls to choose from, always go for the corner bathroom. Even if things get loud, you will only have only one neighbor to worry about.
If the bathrooms are right next to a common area, always choose the one furthest from the door.
Remember to close the main door behind you if it doesn’t close automatically. You can also use any of the above tips to muffle any sound from the bathroom.
Since most public bathrooms do not come with a full-length door, you are better off combining a few tricks to keep the poop sound down. Lower the toilet lid before flushing
Once you are done, lower the lid before flushing as this will contain the sound and the unpleasant smell. You can open the toilet lid to check if everything is gone after flushing, or you can do a double flush just to be sure.
Why Poop Quietly?
There are many reasons why you should poop quietly. For one, it can be very disturbing to others if you make a lot of noise while pooping. Below are some of the most common reasons why you should poop quietly.
- You share a home with others who may not enjoy your toilet habits.
- When on holiday, you may not have access to a private restroom, or it could be located in a highly public area.
- Perhaps you don’t want your companion to be freaked when you’re on a date (or not). Or, if you have children attempting to sleep, you don’t want them to learn that daddy just did a nasty poop!
- You are trying to get some sleep in a room as a spouse or roommate who is noisy.
- Or perhaps you are in the library or a quiet space and do not wish to bother others.
- You have neighbors that do not enjoy restroom noise.
- You may not have access to a private restroom at work, and the only available toilet is in a highly public area.
Meet Mike O’Connor, (a DIY enthusiast), living in Cincinnati, a city ranked as the noisiest in the USA.
As a work from home dad, I have a first hand experience of how noise can truly affect your well being.
Soundproofing isn’t something that should be taken as a hobby, it should be a skill that every homeowner should be equipped with.
Most of the work documented on this blog comes from purely first hand experience, and the products recommended work as indicated.